It has been a couple months since we wrapped and now we are knee deep in editing this thing. I just want to say thank you to everyone who worked on this project for making it become a reality. Here are pics from the shoot!

This is the last person I have to blog about in this biopic all gory story allegory. I ran out of things to say. I can’t imagine you humans out there being able to blog all the time. I’m assuming she is one of those types of women who use facebook. If you didn’t hear about facebook, you really should. It is where ALL the humans hang out now. You put pictures up of yourself and say everything thought you have.

It is kind of like blogging but less stupid. I also didn’t have a picture of myself, so I instead used this. I have three humans visiting me this week in the middle of the night cause of it now

I will eat them. The rule was only for cast and crew. So Lauren over there? She survives. Everyone else? Lunch. Easy.

I did some research on her clothing style and from what I understand it is much like the fashion from the West Wing and from the cover of the wikipage it is a show about a blanket with stars on it.  I guess she makes the blanket. Or makes the stars. Humans like the dumbest show.

Becoming famous is going to be so EASY.

Until then, from the woods with love,

- THE MONSTER

Walter Masterson.

If anybody honestly thinks I won’t kill him by the end of the shoot they are sadly mistaken.

I will kill you Walter. I will.

I will wait while you eat some craft services. Hang upside down from the tree, then bites your right shoulder off. While you run through the woods screaming as the cast and crew try to figure out what happened. I will probably eat Abigail.

I can swallow her in one bite. Then just as you think you got away Walter. BLAM! Ripped out spinal cord.

In all seriousness Walter. This isn’t a joke. You will be eaten. I don’t care what Erick and James said. I also don’t care how much pizza they feed me. You will be consumed.

Until then, from the woods with love,

- THE MONSTER

Oh you have to be kidding me right? You are going to have a sweet little girl on set?

… Let me guess, I can’t eat her either right? Do you realize how unfair that is to me?

Do I go to your homes and dangle KFC in front of your face? Do I? No! You know why I don’t? Because I would just eat the KFC myself. Because KFC is good. I kill people eating it all the time. But that isn’t the point, it is suppose to be a parallel between KFC and eating Abigail.  DO YOU SEE THE SIMILARITIES IN THIS ALLEGORY?!

By the way, I learned the word allegory recently also. The producers tend to use it a lot when describing my movie. I like the word in general because it can break down to “All Gory” which is more in relation to what I do in the day to day.

Back to Abigail. I am pretty sure no one will notice if I take a bit out of her. She is little anyway. Whats a few more inches going to do?

Until next time, with love from the woods.

- The Yellowtown Monster

This is Jae Mann. I am half scared of her. When we met, I did what any good monster would do… I took a bite out of her ribs.

What I didn’t know was that Jae Mann is an ex-marine which basically means she is sort of like a Ninja. So when I was chewing on her soft delicate rib cage, she was reaching for a knife in her sock. What came next wasn’t the most pleasurable experience for me. She proceeded to use the knife to gain my attention. She did this in the most peculiar way. By inserting it into my throat. This was quite uncomfortable. I immediately spit her ribs back out and dropped her to the floor.

As we lied on the floor bleeding, James and Erick appeared, flabbergasted as to what happened. Again, I got a long talking about not eating the cast and crew. I responded to those two by saying, “STOP HIRING DELICIOUS CAST & CREW MEMBERS THEN!” Which I think got through to them. They obliged. So Yellowtown Monster will be produced by the least tastiest humans they can find.

So when I looked down at Jae Mann, she was already stitching up her ribcage. I knew I liked her at this point. I pulled the knife out of my throat and gave it back to her. In a sign of utmost respect, she stabbed me in the throat again.

I wish more humans were like that.
Till we meet again, from the woods with love

- The Yellowtown Monster

This is Alex Kollar. He is one of the people whom I cannot eat.

Gr.

Look at him. With his perfect hair. All uneatable. Probably taste delicious with a side of thorn bushes.

Grrrr….

This ban on not eating the cast or crew really grinds my monster bones. Look at his jawbone. Look at his eyes. His ears. I can make one helluva banana split with his face sans the banana… That’s right. I know the word sans also. I learned that too while listening to James Stephens explain to me how exactly Mike Gomes stopped breathing for the 15th hundredth time. And why it is my fault.

“Monster… Human Sans Breath. Dies. Do you understand?” – James P. Stephens

I still don’t understand what he means but I understand the word sans now.

So Alex will play Dan. Dan is this guy whose family I ate. I also ate him. That is why I figure, if he is going to play Dan, maybe he needs to know what it feels like to BE Dan. Which would mean to be eaten by me. But, since we need humans to not die before the shoot, I can only swallow him whole. Which isn’t as agonizing. But then he would have to come out… and there is only one way to come out at that point.

It is all part of the acting process right? Right Dan–er–Alex. If you are reading this, we should link up, and do lunch so we can get this done. (You like that? “Link up”, “do lunch”, Hollywood here I come baby)

With love from the Yellowtown Woods,

- The Monster

So, I still have no clue what a Production Designer does. Mike Gomes is still not breathing. And I have found multiple uses for the word biopic in the past few days.

What I have found out though is that a Production Designer needs an assistant. Which I can relate to, because my dear old friend Alex was an assistant to me. I wonder if Kym is chained to a tree like Alex was…

Do you have to feed Assistants? What do they eat? I always assumed Alex ate the dirt. Which is a fine meal if you ask me. Especially when he would turn down good human flesh right off the bone. Silly. If she likes a plate full of dirt I will have one waiting for her on the day of the shoot. I especially like my dirt mixed with some dry leaves.

I wonder how she would taste with some dry leaves and dirt… Bah. I can’t think about eating the crew anymore. After Gomes rudely stopped breathing, Erick and James had a stern talking to me, behind a shark cage. So I couldn’t kill them. Which was smart. Cause I would of have killed them. No one tells me what to do. But alas… this is Hollywood.

Until next time, this has been the Yellowtown Monster.